Batman Vs Superman was a bit bum, wasn’t it? Y’know, just not a very good film. A ‘sodding waste of time’ as someone in our office put it. But it did introduce us to Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg (albeit briefly in the case of the last three), and set up Justice League, which is basically DC’s answer to The Avengers.
Having six of the biggest superheroes of all time on one screen should be cause for celebration, but following extensive reshoots there is an air of trepidation about the wannabe-blockbuster. However, being ballsy journalists, we plucked up the courage to see it with our own eyes, and this is what we learned…
Warning! Spoilers ahead!
Superman is boring as hell
Remember when Superman was dead? That was awesome! It meant we could have some genuinely exciting superheroes roaming around Gotham and Metropolis, kicking seven shades of out of the bad guys. Superheroes only work when they’re flawed in some way, when there’s a vulnerability, but when your superpower is literally I AM THE BEST AT EVERYTHING AND THE ONLY THING THAT CAN KILL ME DOESN’T COME FROM THIS PLANET it gets a bit annoying. He’s super-fast, super-strong, can fly, can shoot lasers from his eyes, and is really good at talking to girls. Calm it down Clark, nobody likes a showoff.
The movie could be far shorter
Justice League clocks in at just under two hours, but it’d probably be around 90 minutes if director Zack Snyder got over his bullet-time fetish. Sure, when The Flash is running at a million miles per second, you need to slow down time to see what he’s doing, but it feels like every single fight scene has been stretched out by eons. Every flip, dodge, fall and dive is slowed down, and it becomes tiresome. It looks cool now and again, and the effects have come a long way from The Matrix, but we don’t need super-slow-motion effects every time Wonder Woman evades a baddie’s offence, because it happens a lot. Also, be prepared for every scene to be have a palette with more shades of grey than E. L. James (what a great joke).
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The Flash is the MVP
When some people (silly people) think of The Flash in contemporary culture, they might picture Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory in his Halloween costume. Of course, the anti-humour of that show is the direct opposite of The Flash in Justice League. He’s genuinely likeable, funny, and just on the right side of nerdy that it doesn’t detract from the fact HE KICKS ASS. It’s made clear early on that what he lacks in strength he can make up for by actually saving lives, which is really what all good superheroes should do. Plus, when in a one-on-one dialogue with Batman, Cyborg etc, he always comes out on top.
Jason Momoa is The Rock
Okay, no he’s not, but he’s absolutely shredded and the coolest guy on screen at all times. Aquaman might get a bad rap for basically being ‘that fish guy’ but Momoa makes the underwater hero into a bona fide badass. Seriously, when he first emerges from the water looking like the tonkest entity to ever exist, it’s painful to look down at your weedy arms and lacklustre body. He probably eats actual muscles. Not only that, but he’s got excellent comedy timing and is genuinely believable as a superhero… because he’s nails.
Without comedy, this would be horrible
If you read the reviews, you’d be forgiven for thinking this movie is as entertaining as week-old elephant dung, but that’s a bit harsh. It’s a perfectly serviceable superhero flick. It progresses the story of the DC Universe, and introduces new characters for the standalone movies, which is what it needs to do. But the storyline is so flimsy and paper-thin that you just can’t get invested. It’s not as fun as The Avengers, it’s not as rude as Deadpool, it’s not as bonkers as Guardians Of The Galaxy – but its not po-faced. There’s plenty to laugh at here, and while the dialogue is often cliched, the chemistry and interactions between the heroes is solid. From mocking Batman’s lack of powers to The Flash’s social awkwardness to a great scene involving Aquaman and The Lasso Of Truth, it’s thankfully not as sterile as Batman Vs Superman.
Justice League is in cinemas worldwide from November 17.
