The first album I bought was…
Led Zeppelin – Presence (1976)
“Believe it or not it was fuckin’ Led Zep! Nobody remembers that record… it was not their best. It was like, ‘I gotta get me some Led Zeppelin!’ I was pretty young at the time. I went out and bought Zeppelin but I didn’t really look, I just figured that all Zep records were great. Presence was kind of weird; there weren’t any real big hits on it. It was like putting on an album full of B-sides. But it grew on me. I think it’s great.”/o:p
The album with the best artwork is…
Iron Maiden – The Number Of The Beast (1982)
“When I think of album covers I always think of The Number Of The Beast… it’s just a bitchin’-looking album cover! It’s just evil and to me that’s heavy metal right there. They had a ton of great artwork on a lot of great albums, but that’s just like standard kickass-ness. Everything Iron Maiden do is great.”
The album I wish I’d made is…
Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin IV (1971)
“I’ll say Led Zep IV, because it’s a classic. I’m sure a lot of people would pick The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, because it’s so influential, but I’m going to go with Led Zeppelin again. The vibe throughout that whole record is so rad. You can’t top it.”
The first album I had sex to is…
Simon & Garfunkel – Bookends (1986)
“I was pretty young when I had sex for the first time, dude. I’m pretty sure it was to the song Mrs Robinson. Ironically, I was having sex with the babysitter. I remember I got a really, really good blowjob to that. I had a friend there and we double-teamed the babysitter! It was pretty awesome. I remember this because the sex was really good. I was always really good at sex. Some people are just born for sex. Plus, I was pretty well-hung at a young age.”
The album I break the speed limit to is…
NoMeansNo – Wrong (1989)
“It’s a killer record, dude! It’s pretty punk rock but it makes me drive pretty fast.”
A kid asks me what metal is, I hand them a copy of…
Judas Priest – Screaming For Vengeance (1982)
“That’s an easy one. I would hand that kid a copy of Screaming For Vengeance by Judas Priest, because to me that’s heavy metal. That’s what defines metal right there. Priest are totally fuckin’ awesome.”
No one will believe I own a copy of…
Britney Spears – Britney (2001)
“I own a Britney Spears record and I don’t listen to it, ’cause I fucking hate it, but I admit I have a copy of it. Sometimes girls come to your house – and by girls, I mean strippers – and they don’t like metal, so you gotta put something else on so you can have sex with them. And that’s totally OK to do.”
The album I want played at my funeral is…
Black Sabbath – Master Of Reality (1971)
“It has to be something really loud and annoying. Turn it up loud! You can never go wrong with Sabbath. Even the fuckin’ hipsters like Sabbath.”
The album that should not be is…
Justin Bieber – Believe (2012)
“I’d like to pick every album that Justin Bieber’s made so far. I firmly believe that if you wind up doing Calvin Klein ads at any point in your career you shouldn’t be allowed to make records anymore.”
The album I want to be remembered for is…
The next Steel Panther record
“I’m proud of all the records we’ve done, but I think our best work is in the future. We were pretty fucking high when we did all those records, and we’re going to get even more high on the next record!”
