What’s the worst fight you’ve ever been in?
“Years ago I had a fight with a redneck, and we were going until we were both basically so beat up that we couldn’t stand up any more. It was like nobody could win; we just kept beating each other until we both hobbled off! I’d just moved down to South Georgia from New York, and the biggest redneck in the bar decided to pick a fight – he was digging and digging at me until he could get a response, and he got one!”
What’s the worst idea you’ve ever had?
“Marriage. There should be a law that prevents you from getting married until after you’re 38! When we’re young, especially men, it’s in our blood to fuck up, and that means that when you get older you start to look back and go, ‘What the fuck was I thinking?’”
What’s the funniest thing a Christian has ever said to you?
“I don’t pay much attention to Christians. What does crack me up is when they come to my home, especially Jehovah’s Witnesses. I tell them that there’s a sign out front that says ‘No Soliciting’, and they insist that they’re not selling anything! Ha ha! I think that’s pretty silly.”
You’ve never been shy in sharing your views on religion…
“Well, the ‘No Soliciting’ sign has a picture of a person holding a briefcase on it. How much more of a hint do you need?”
Have you ever had anything weird through the post from a fan?
“A mixture of blood and pubic hair; a big old envelope full of it. The paper was smeared with pussy blood. That’s when I closed the PO Box and said, ‘I’m done with this bullshit.’ Did I keep it? No! I put it in the garbage can at the post office.”
Have you ever been confronted by a weirdo fan in person?
“As a parent, it really weirds me out when people bring their children and babies to the show. They’re like, ‘Sign my baby’s forehead!’ I’ve pretty much seen it all; from chicks squatting and pissing backstage to whipping out their tampon and throwing it at me.”
Why would they think you’d want them to do that?
“People think anything under the influence of alcohol.”
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve done while drunk?
“I got lost driving. Ha ha ha! I ended up 30 miles away from my house. That’s when you think to yourself, ‘You know what? Me and this whole drinking thing ain’t working out any more’.”
When were you last arrested?
“I’ve never been arrested, knock on wood! Let’s just say I was really fast on my feet. Ha ha ha! We did messed- up shit, but I had my story down, so that when the cops asked me who did it I was like, ‘I don’t know’, and all my buddies who were with me when I did it said the same thing. If everyone sticks to their story, no one gets in trouble!”
When was the last time you made someone cry?
“A couple of days ago. I made this old cashier lady at Walmart tear up! She wasn’t speaking, and I said, ‘Aren’t you allowed to speak?’ and she looked up at me and just turned her head. I said a couple of other things to her and I could see her eyes starting to puddle up. Maybe I touched on something or she’d had a bad day.”
What’s your least favourite drug?
“That would have to be meth amphetamine. It’s just a disgusting, gross drug, and people who do it are normally gross themselves – junkies and shit. But that’s not my game anymore, man! I’m healthy living now.”
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen while high?
“I’ve seen some weird things – shadowy things moving around in the dark – but if you’re asking if I’ve seen the gates of Hell open, then no, none of that. Although a couple of times I thought I could see dancing elephants.”
When was the last time you did something you regretted?
“Marriage number two! That only lasted eight months. It’s like stepping in a pile of dog shit: you see it on the ground and you know not to step in it, but you just go ahead and take your shoe and step all in.”
