During a day off on their summer European tour in 1999, the Bloodhound Gang bought five ‘monkey rat’ fancy dress outfits – that’s about $200, all in – and filmed themselves mucking about on the streets of Paris for The Bad Touch promo. The video features a plot involving kidnappings, images of animals in copula, maggot munching and the death of a mime.
17 years on, we reappraise the iconic four-minute clip…
00:00
Five men in fancy dress strut around the streets of Paris. It could be a stag do in any European city, to be fair.
00:10
Over the road, they spot a television playing footage of two monkeys making sweet, sweet love. It’s stirring stuff, but only if you’re a monkey.
00:20
Four women, all dressed in black, walk past the band. It’s either filmed in slow-motion or they’re just not in a hurry. Frontman Jimmy Pop looks on in awe. We’re sure a cheap monkey outfit would allow him to take his pick of any woman in the land.
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00:30
Two monkeys appear from a nearby hedgerow armed with a wooden pipe. They put the ladies to sleep with a well-aimed tranquiliser dart to the buttocks. This is how people would meet before the days of Tinder or those excruciating speed-dating nights, but it’s considered quite rude nowadays.
00:40
Jimmy Pop glares into the camera, rapping with all the charisma of a creepy supply teacher.
00:49
Now their attention turns to a group of Italian chefs who’ve congregated further down the street. The monkey gang distracts them with a croissant on the end of a fishing line. Who wouldn’t want a breakfast pastry dangled in their faces first thing in the morning?
01:05
Ah, the glory of the Eiffel Tower. Designed by Gustave Eiffel and built in 1899, the Bloodhound Gang would probably just call it a big erection.
01:15
One silver-haired angel appears to be unimpressed by the sight of an American chap humping the air while dressed as a monkey.
01:20
Bassist Evil Jared eats a maggot as though it was a Tangfastic. He’s a shoo-in for the next series of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here, surely.
01:37
Two dapper gents enjoy their breakfast outside a café. Xenophobes think all French men dress this way.
01:45
Jordan Prentice – Jimmy from In Bruges – is captured by the simian gang. What are they going to do with all of these actors in the next two minutes?
02:30
They’ve all been stuffed in a cage by their primate aggressors. Is this a comment on our obsession with zoos? Or is this just a rubbish nod to Planet Of The Apes?
03:00
Thinking about it, it must have been quite exhausting being the Bloodhound Gang’s tour manager when they became famous.
03:20
They appear to be gearing up for a dance routine inspired by the Golden Age of Hollywood. One of those big numbers, with big smiles and even bigger dresses. 1… 2… 3… 4…
03:30
Showtime! Oh, they’re humping the air with all the enthusiasm of a soggy crêpe. A disappointing tribute to the genius of Busby Berkeley.
03:40
Jimmy from In Bruges sees his chance to escape and legs it down the street. We would as well.
03:45
Lüpüs Thünder gives chase in an red Renault 5. Jimmy from In Bruges slides over a bonnet. It’s like The Bourne Identity or something. But with people in monkey outfits.
03:57
Jimmy from In Bruges has been hit by the Renault 5. And, being a mime, he didn’t even make a sound. Lüpüs Thünder assesses the damage and drives off. Fin.
What did we learn from The Bad Touch?
The Bad Touch video, which looks like it cost pennies to make, has been viewed over 201 million times. It’s just five immature men from Pennsylvania dicking about during a day off in France and it became of the most popular rock videos on YouTube. Sometimes, the world doesn’t make sense at all.
Bloodhound Gang’s latest album Hard-Off is out now.
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