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If we’re being technical about it, he’s actually Johnny 7 Fingers, but it is true that he’s only got a couple on his pickin’ hand. Doesn’t matter – he doesn’t need the rest to rock. Straight outta Moose Jaw, Johnny and his Deformities bang out a fistful of raucous party-starters.

Came from the sky like a 747. Classic Rock’s least-reputable byline-grabber since 2003. Several decades deep into the music industry. Got fired from an early incarnation of Anal C**t after one show. 30 years later, got fired from the New York Times after one week. Likes rock and hates everything else. Still believes in Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, against all better judgment.