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Why bother with four or five goons when two will do? That’s the philosophy with Minneapolis’s New Rocket Union, a stripped-down, rough- ’n’-ready duo who bang out snarly jams for desperate times, mostly about girls and fighting. Honestly, I don’t even miss the bass. Maybe we can get rid of them all.

Came from the sky like a 747. Classic Rock’s least-reputable byline-grabber since 2003. Several decades deep into the music industry. Got fired from an early incarnation of Anal C**t after one show. 30 years later, got fired from the New York Times after one week. Likes rock and hates everything else. Still believes in Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, against all better judgment.

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